Sometimes, you hear people say things like; “If I knew he was that way, I wouldn’t have married him”, or “She is showing me her true colors now, I never knew she was like this”. That means such people were taken by surprise right?
There is this young lady I once met. Before meeting her, my cousin told me a little about her. She had this boyfriend she visited from time to time from school. They always had issues, I can’t really tell what kind because I wasn’t given details. All I can remember is she always complained about him answering too many phone calls from other girls.
One day while she was waiting for him in his room, someone called and told her that her boyfriend was four rooms away, with another girl. She got up and went to that room, knocked on the door and her boyfriend opened the door wearing only boxers. He was in that room, with another girl who was wearing only undies too. The drama began.
He couldn’t deny because he was caught red-handed. He knelt down and begged. While he was at it, she gave him a dirty slap, packed her stuff and left.
After some days, he called her and begged for forgiveness, she forgave him and they got back together again. After a while, she started complaining about the phone calls again. Each time she complained, he’d say it was just a female colleague and that there were no strings attached.
One day, she decided that the relationship was over for good because she saw him taking a walk and holding hands with another girl. He said she was just a colleague, but she didn’t agree of course, and then she left once again.
I finally met this lady one day when she came to our house to see my cousin. Somehow, she knew my cousin had gisted me about her relationship so she was free enough to talk about her “X” boyfriend.
I asked her if they were back together and she said; “God forbid!” She said all sorts of things that implied he didn’t deserve her and she was never getting back together with him, ever. I was happy for her and gave her my own tiny advice and encouragement to move forward and not settle for anything less, blah blah blah.
When she was about leaving, she picked up her phone and called someone. She called a couple of times but the person didn’t respond to her call. Finally, she said; “Hmn! He’s not answering my calls. He must answer. In fact, I will just show up at his door”.
In unison, I and my cousin both asked out loud: “WHO???” (because we had a feeling who it was.)
Well, well, well, it was, of course, the “X” (he actually lives in our area). We asked her why she was calling him and what she wanted to see him for, and she said she wanted to make him drive her back to her place. She was saying it proudly as if driving her back was some sort of punishment. She was trying to make us believe she was punishing him for what he did to her. Sike!
I and my cousin became mute and all we could do was to stare at her. She got up, said bye, and went to his place. Don’t know if she eventually met him that day but I knew for sure she wasn’t over that relationship. That was when we realized that she only wanted to see him. In fact, she never came to our area to see my cousin, but to actually see him.
I see this happening every day, over and over again and it keeps me wondering if people really notice the red flags of a bad and unhealthy relationship or if love is really blind. When is it okay to put an end to a relationship and when is it okay to give second chances?
First of all, what does loving someone mean? Does it mean staying with them even though you see signs of imminent danger? Is it all about hoping and praying and practicing the movie “War Room”? Does it mean taking all the blows and facing near-death situations and refusing to run for your life? Or probably, it means laying down your life, literally, for the one you love?
Does love mean you must stay and risk your life or happiness, or can you just stay away and love from a distance? Asper; “Yes, I love you, but peace out! I love my life and happiness too, bro.” Is there really a thin line between love and hate? Is it even possible to still be in love with someone who pounds you or threatens your life every single day?
Love is something you decide to practice on your own. It is supposed to be a choice, not something you are forced to do against your will. It is supposed to make you happy. So why do people remain in unhealthy and seemingly fatal relationships in the name of unconditional love? Having the free will to choose, why end up choosing the relationship that screams danger?
Society puts so much pressure on people to get married, especially women. So, the goal is to be married and not happily married. What’s happily married? Who cares? They will attend your wedding, eat party rice and wish you a very happy married life, but they don’t actually care if you’re happy or not. If you end up receiving blows or crying every night, that’s your business. In fact, they will tell you to just be patient because that’s what everyone goes through.
I have seen cases where a girl suffers in her relationship, she gets beaten up by the man, abused and threatened. Then her friends advise her to just stay with him and manage the relationship that way. They tell her that when he marries her, he will change and they make her believe finding another man will be difficult. Sometimes, it’s not the friends that give such bad advice, but the girl herself. She convinces herself that it will get better.
Don’t believe such a lie. The world has billions of people and you haven’t even met half of the ones in your town yet. Don’t settle because you are afraid of being alone or what people will say or think about you. It’s better to be single and happy or marry late and be happy than to marry early and be sad for the rest of your life.
The red flags always show. Nobody can pretend for too long. I’m always of the opinion that the red flags don’t hide. People only decide to ignore them and move forward, hoping for the best.
No one is perfect, everyone has flaws, but there are some behaviors that are a no-no. Decide what you can live with and what you can’t, but anything that steals your happiness, peace of mind and puts your life and the lives of those around you in danger, is not a good choice. It is bad, it is fatal.
Sometimes, the red flags are obvious and sometimes, they could be hidden just beneath the surface. Watch out for them When you see them, you can tell. When you know, you know. Stop making excuses for bad behavior. Don’t settle for less. Don’t see the red flags and ignore. In this case, manage is damage.
This applies to both men and women. To those that happen to be in an unhealthy relationship, especially a life-threatening one, may you find the wisdom and courage to do what you need to do to save your life before it’s too late. You are in this world for a reason, therefore, your happiness, health, and peace of mind is very important.
Bad relationships are like a bad investment. No matter how much you put into it, you’ll never get anything out of it. Find someone that’s worth investing in.
Well, I’m of the opinion that people always notice the red flags in any relationship. While some take proper actions, some only decide to ignore the warning signs by creating excuses for bad behavior.
Now, as usual, I would love to hear what your take on this is. Do you think the red flags are obvious or are their people who genuinely don’t notice until it’s too late? Please leave all your comments in the comment box below. Every single comment makes me happy.
Don’t forget to share this post with family and friends.