This is also helpful for people who are in serious relationships, courting, or engaged and not necessarily married people only.
Most of the time when mistakes happen in marriages or relationships, you hear people say that they didn’t know it was wrong or that they had no idea it was going to hurt the other person so badly. Some even say they didn’t know it was that big of a deal and sometimes even blame their partners for overreacting.
No one is perfect and because of that, no relationship or marriage is perfect. Marriages are made up of two imperfect people who are most likely going to hurt each other once in a while. So, I am not by any means saying mistakes don’t happen. What I mean is that most of what we claim to be mistakes are not really mistakes but a chain of wrong choices. They are actually avoidable.
Most of the time, most of the things we do to hurt our partners can actually be avoided. We just have to be a lot more careful and sensitive.
Just in case you are not really sure about the things your spouse likes or doesn’t like to be done to them, what you should or shouldn’t do, what he/she may or may not tolerate, these 8 guides will help you know what you should never do to your spouse:
Ways To Know What To Never Do To Your Spouse
- If your spouse did the same thing, it would leave you feeling hurt, devastated or betrayed: Anything that would leave you hurt is likely going to leave your spouse hurt too. This is very important to consider before you do anything. Don’t do to your spouse what you wouldn’t want them to do to you. It’s as simple as that.
- If you did it, you wouldn’t be able to openly tell your spouse about it: This is also a very good guide. Anything that you cannot tell your spouse about is already a red flag. I personally use this tactic a lot. It helps me stay out of trouble most times. All I have to do is to say to myself; “Is this something I will be able to tell him about”? And if the answer is no, then I simply don’t do it.
- It is something you may find difficult to forgive if done to you: Probably this is something that was once done to you and you found it difficult to forgive whoever did it. Even if you never experienced it but you know in your heart that you may not take it lightly if done to you, then you should definitely not do it to your spouse.
- It is something you are likely to apologize for later: Anytime you have to say; “I will just do it and simply apologize later”, you just know it is something you shouldn’t do anyway. My step-mum always says she hates doing things that she has to apologize for in the future. That alone, makes her stay away from doing such things. I have adopted this mindset and it actually saves me and my loved ones from a whole lot of stress.
- You would act differently if your spouse were to be present: If the presence of your spouse will make you do anything differently, then you have to re-think it. For instance, if you drink when you are away from your spouse but you have to pretend you don’t when you are with them, then it’s definitely something not to do. Another example is if you are formal with the opposite sex in the presence of your spouse but extra friendly with them in their absence. Basically, try not to do anything you know you wouldn’t do in the presence of your spouse. Character is who you are when no one is watching. In this case, it is who you are when your husband or wife isn’t watching.
- It is something that steals your peace anytime you do it or think about doing it: Peace has always been and is still the best guide. Our peace gets stolen each time we do wrong or are about to do wrong. Once you start being uneasy and restless in a negative way, it is a clear sign that you shouldn’t go ahead with it. Once you start feeling heavy and burdened, then run away as fast as you can from doing that thing that makes you feel that way.
- It is something you are likely to cover up with a lie or an excuse when asked: When you are about doing something and you already start coming up with things to say or do to cover up that thing, that is also a clear sign that you shouldn’t even start it. Doing that thing is likely going to hurt your spouse and covering it up with lies and excuses will only make matters worse.
- Your spouse has either directly or indirectly let you know that it is unacceptable: Now, this is pretty straightforward. If you are used to having naked conversations with your spouse, then you should definitely know what he or she wouldn’t accept. By having open conversations and answering each other’s open-ended questions, things become clearer. Sometimes, you may even get the answers you need indirectly. For instance, let’s say you’re watching a movie together and your spouse makes statements like; “If this was done to me, I wouldn’t take it”, or “There’s no way I can ever remain in such a relationship”, you immediately get to know a few things he or she will or will not accept. By all means, stay away from doing such.
I hope I made it a lot easier for you to know what not to do. If you use these guides, you will find out that a lot of wrong and hurt will be eliminated from your relationships. No one wants to fight every day. Everyone wants a happy and healthy marriage. If we can do anything to avoid strife, we should, by all means, do it.
Which one of the guides do you like or use the most? Does anyone resonate with you? Maybe you have another guide to add? I would love for you to share your thoughts on this topic. I love to read your comments all the time. Please leave your comments in the comment box below.
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